Definition

Dating is the process whereby two people slowly and incrementally reveal truths about themselves to determine if each really likes the other.

If the process is too slow, marriage can occur before it is complete, and unhappiness is the inevitable consequence.

Bitches

"She's a bitch. Get over her."

I'm attracted to women with strong personalities. Assertive is the one end of the range, nasty is the other end. That's a possible explanation of why I kept going back to D in my head long after she was gone.

When I was a young man, say around 20, I had group of friends, and that circle intersected a circle of female friends. Tamara C. from that group was the girl I was giving a ride to on Christmas 1984 whose request to stop at a Klein's Food Mart so that she could get some cigarettes led to my first car being torched. She had a friend whose name was Eilidh T., and Miss T was a complete and utter embodiment of the word nasty... or perhaps cruel is an even better word.

When I ran into Eilidh ten years ago, whilst I was DJing, she wasted no time in demonstrating that her acerbic touch was in place. Not a sentence left her mouth that didn't skewer someone's soul or self-esteem. Oddly, I was attracted even as I was mortified. After a few more run-ins, I found myself in the stairwell after work, feeling her up. I was cupping her breasts through her sweater when the inevitable moral self-admonishment of an unhappily married but unfortunately moral man hit me, and I ran. She didn't take my disappearance well, as one might assume.

A few months later I saw her in the restaurant she was working in, and when she saw me her head snapped my direction twice in a perfect double-take. It was amazing she didn't drop what she was carrying. I couldn't help but laugh aloud, heartily, emphasis on the loud. It wasn't that I had any ill will towards her, although she had that for me, but the perfect sitcom-like head movement was impossible to not to react that way to. It could only have been funnier if coffee were spraying out of her mouth in the process.

I guess the point is that somehow I can find myself attracted to good women, and the worst. It's up to me to police myself to ensure I don't end up with the latter

Not all girls...

People are complex enough beings that sometimes the things you don't want to be true can sometimes be true.

I've managed to not be a complete ass all my life, and I try to live by my rule to treat people based on actions and who they are, not how they look. Still, I will unconsciously smile more at someone I'm attracted to. Idealism can only counteract reality so much.

But there is class warfare (based on looks) in the romantic arena. When an average guy like me tries to dip his toe into the other classes, certain things are expected, like perhaps he shouldn't be able to look the "upper" class girl in the eye. For example, D (self-proclaimed hottie) asked me on our first date if I was intimidated, and I answered truthfully that I wasn't. It hadn't occurred to me that I should be, because I was already in the process of battling and overcoming my general shyness around every woman on the planet. Either that or it was because I had recently been hit on the head (see December's archives).

I've said before that reality is a different experience for each of us. Some of the most attractive people may become so accustomed to constant compliments that that this forms their "baseline" reality, and they can no longer ascertain the fake guy from the real guy. Considering how hard the fake tries to look like the real, and succeeds, that's not a stretch.

My most pleasant dating experiences were with women who said "I'm a good judge of character." My worst dating experience was with someone who said "I'm not a good judge of character", and she was the one whose appearance was most likely to garner the attention of players.

Just because you have an example doesn't mean you have a rule though. I am loathe to assume that all women who meet society's arbitrary standard of "hotness" are shallow, vain, and black-souled. So I don't. (It's more important to confront and counteract your prejudices than to hide them, so this is me doing that.)

I think I have one more rule now to add to my list. It's not new, as it came from the period when I first started battling my shyness, but it's a good one to not forget.

We are all equal. The famous, the beautiful, the rest, all simply human beings.

I am the past

Sometimes when you still care about someone, and that someone is going through a time of loneliness, it's hard not to reach out, but sooner or later you have to realize that to them you are part of their past, not their future. They need to be moving towards that future, no matter how good or bad the present.

God in the headlines again

This week's discussion has returned to the question of whether God is a man or a woman.

Um.

If there is only one God, what use does he/she have for genitalia?

Truth

I have told my share of lies, but there are some situations and times when I cannot do anything but tell the truth. Something inside me makes it inescapable, compels me, even when, or especially when I'm naked together with a woman. I therefore choose my words carefully.

There is a difference between attractive and beautiful.
There is a difference between a girl and a woman.

You can't just say... nothing. So it is important to ensure that you never get naked with someone unless you know in advance that you like something about them.

Fortunately tonight was not a case where I broke that important rule... but the point remains that the situation made it quite clear to me that I do choose my words carefully so that I'm being honest.

I think that's a good thing.

Wax on, wax off

It seems only a little strange that there be a sexual element to seeing a girl wipe down her antenna when washing her car.

What the heck do you need to wipe an antenna for anyways?

Dream, dream, dream

I should give up trying to find what is reasonable, and just try to get what I want, even if that is impossible. Perhaps I will have more fun dreaming than analyzing.

I am Picasso

It's hard not to see the obvious similarities.

My cat is a little over 10 years old now. He's always been an indoor cat. If you take him outside, he will immediately run for cover. If the door to the house is open, he will dash inside.

Recently he has become slightly more bold, going a foot or two out the door if you hold it open long enough. Each trip is slightly, slightly farther than the previous. The slightest noise, or the slightest movement by anyone or anything, and the cat immediately turns tail and is inside.

One other change of late is due to his pair of pet boys being gone a lot of the time. The cat is more likely to notice when the humans are gone, and much, much more likely to come up and ask to be petted. As the cat's social circle declines he becomes much more desperate for attention.

Given that humans have better medical treatment, I think it would be fair to say that a little over 10 in cat years is about the same as, let's say, 39 in human years.

By the way, my cat's name is Picasso.

My name is Vince.

Best father's day present

My boys have been staying over at my ex's this week as her work day has subsided from 14-16 hours marathons to regular-person hours. Last night they stayed at a friend's house for a sleepover. I had taken them out swimming yesterday along with their friend, so it wasn't entirely unforeseeable that I would be the one giving them a ride from their mom's house where they changed into dry clothes and picked up sleeping bags.

This morning, however, they called me to get a ride from the friend's house to their mom's because there was too much to carry.

First thought in my head was why did they not call their mother, who was closer (5 blocks instead of 30), and whose house was their ultimate destination.

But the second thought was that that meant something. I'm the one they could rely upon, I'm the one they called.

Refocus

Girls are good.
Girls are fun.
My heart can be safely placed in the hands of most girls.
The odds are in my favour.
Go date.

A more positive aspect

One other thing I realized, from the chat today, is that I am indeed different than most men, or at least the ones I hear about.

I only become interested in sex *after* I become interested in the person.

Matchmaker

My thought after watching an episode of this "reality" show was:

Give me enough time and I can screw anything up.

But...There are a few people in this world who still like me even when I do screw up. These are special friends indeed.

Road construction

We see permanence where there is none.

Sincere Sex

I was just watching a show, and it raised a point indirectly....

Sex should be... sincere.

Cats

Had this thought yesterday...

You can walk into someone's house, anyone's, and feel free to pet their cat.

Can't do that with humans though.

More keys found on the keychain of life

Doing something. Makes happy happy.

20-somethings flying a kite in the park tonight.

Despite a nipply cold that made my ears hurt and my run short.

Doing something. Happy happy.